There is an old saying that goes something like this... "When it rains, it pours" Brother thats the truth! Just a little about me for those who dont know me. I am a 41 year old widowed mother of a handicapped child. Bob (my son) has Cerebral Palsy and is in a wheel chair. My husband of 13 years died on me in Nov of 2003. He was the one who stayed home with the boy while I worked. Until the day he just died without warning. (He had just got a script from his doctor for VIAGRA. a week later he was dead. You see VIAGRA speeds up your heart and blood flow to your private parts to make it work. It didnt do the fun part. he had a heart condition that no one knew of and the speeding blood was too much for his heart and it exploded. His heart that is.) Too bad all the records just vanished or I would have one hell of a law suit. Either way I had to stop working and stay home with my son.

Thats been about 5 years now. I thought I was starting to get somewhere in life, was given a car and freedom with that said car. It was a wonderful thing. Now even that is gone. Last month I had to replace the battery and the starter. But last Monday my transmission went out. No one seems to understand what that means for me. It means Im back in my own hell. No way to go to the store or doctors appointments, no freedom. I dont have the money to fix it and because bob gets SSI I have no way to make any money without hurting him or his check. (Bobs 18 now but still at home with me) Its like im between a rock and a hard place. I just feel as if I am at the end of my rope. Sometimes I get so depressed I feel everyone would be better off with out me around.

This sh*t is had to do when your alone. Its harder and harder and sometimes I just want to walk away from it all, but I would never do that to bob because I am all he has. You see when you are in the spot I am in your friends seem to vanish. I have 2 real world friends and I use them way too much already. I have hundreds and hundreds of online friends all over the world but thats not the same as someone sitting here with me over coffee.


Oh.... I should shut up but I needed to get that off my chest.


Thank you for listening